Are you the one who is unaffected by the need for a romantic, heterosexual relationship? Have you also enjoyed your life with a ‘single’ status, never caring for the official stamp of a marital relationship? Rather, it is the overrated institution of marriage and the very outdated concept of ‘settling down’ in a conjugal life with its thousand pros and cons which might irk you to no ends. Besides, it might be the question of your sexual identity which defies boundaries in these bold, striking existential realities of our postmodern times. Gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer—the expressions of your sexual preference might be complex and nuanced, and they might manifest in your life with their unique connotations.  

Self-Partnered: The new trend 

Remember the public announcement of Hollywood’s hot favourite actress Emma Watson when she flaunted the term ‘Self-partnered’ with much gusto and stunning boldness! Ever since her post in social media, the phrase started trending, but then, the concept had started making deep inroads in our contemporary world quite some time back. 

‘Self-partnered’ is a coinage which is used by a lot of young people, especially, the confident, sassy and economically self-reliant ones belonging to the new generation. When exemplified literally, it means that you yourself are enough, and you are your own true partner. No matter how badly the sceptics criticize this apparently self-centred orientation minus the baggage of any relationship whatsoever, these young men and women don’t care a bit. On the contrary, it gives them great pleasure to seek fulfilment in their own company, defying archaic parameters of ‘being in a relationship’, just for the sake of it. This generation of ‘self-partnered’ individuals openly profess their single status, also taking pride in it. 

What is the guarantee that you will find utmost happiness within the boundaries of a traditional relationship? Also, it might be possible that you can take care of your own world, your own underlying emotions much better than a ‘so-called ‘partner’. They argue, and it cannot be refuted, after all. 

Are these single individuals scared to fall in love? 

One might argue that this new generation doesn’t believe in the concept of socio-economic security that marriage in a patriarchal culture entails. But do all of them have deep disregard for the feeling of love or do all of them feel reluctant to fall in love ever? Social researchers and psychologists think this is always not the case. Many of them think that it is just a matter of time, and the ones with single status might commit to a relationship eventually when that ‘special someone’ crosses paths. But till then, they want to focus on their own priorities—giving enough time to their own private pursuits, their leisure activities and so on. 

Bella DePaulo, a social psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara and the author of ‘Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After’ says that the single population is growing since decades, though sidelined in the popular culture. “Those are people who live their best, most authentic, most meaningful lives by living single…”, she quotes in an interview with American Psychological Association. The key to their happiness, according to this interview was leading a life of solitude, as opposed to leading a ‘lonely life’, which has been addressed by the culture at large. 

Also, in the gamut of interpersonal relationships, sexual orientation matters a lot these days, since individuals are coming out with revelations that they are gay, lesbian or bisexual, far removed from the traditional parameters of a predominantly man-woman relationship. While the dynamics of intimate partner relationships (including marriage, parenting children) are organically different in LGBTQ relationships, they have been in ‘open relation’ for a long time, though gay marriages have been accepted in some countries and communities. 

Also, research has shown that there has been significant abuse in LGBTQ relationships, which often go unreported due to societal stigma and the reality of homophobia. A study by Match, the world’s largest relationship company that focused on the LGBTQ community stated that 80% of these individuals (aged 18+ to 70+), according to their survey in 2016 were singles, with interest in developing relationships, but over 1,000 of them were not in a committed relationship. The conclusions were clear. The urge for meaningful single lives holds true in LGBTQ relationships too.

‘Single status versus Self-partnered status

The coinages ‘single’ and ‘self-partnered’ are two different faces of the same coin, with no fundamental difference. Until recent days, the ‘status single’ tag was associated with the concept of ‘lovelessness’, the absence of love, or applicable to the ones who were jilted in love. To many, it carried a negative connotation, the pain and anguish of carrying on with a solitary life. But the process of ‘self-partnering’ comes with positive vibes, with the benefit of peace and contentment, with the promise of nurturing oneself without the forced need of companionship, as long as one can enjoy the myriad pleasures of life in his/her own company. Some meaningful, healthy ‘me-time’ in a restaurant or in the theatres, gifting oneself something worthwhile in his/her birthday, joining creative classes, like music, dance or writing, going for an outing with family and things like that are definitely nurturing for one’s personality and wellbeing. 

In India, author Sreemoyee Piu Kundu has recently come up with her first nonfiction book ‘Status Single’, addressing the burning issue of the lives of single women and their back stories, and how they find themselves in the largely patriarchal culture stressing on the importance of marriage, parenthood and marital security. Based on interviews of nearly 3,000 urban single Indian women from all walks of life, documenting their emotional and excruciating journeys, this book is one of the important testimonies to our current times when staying single is a living, breathing reality for non-confirming individuals. 

In developing countries like India where patriarchal culture still rules supreme, initiatives like these are the need of the hour to break stereotypes, status quos and bring forth a refreshing reality for single individuals, irrespective of societal challenges.   

References:

Women against abuse

Single Life 

Everything you need to know about open relationships

Struggles of single women in India